Holidaze

As I sit here on my bed in the hospital, I'm enjoying all the pictures from my friends from the family gatherings over the Christmas holiday. The best are the pictures by the trees.

I stopped decorating for the holidays a few years ago for many reasons, mostly based on the flash, over-the-top consumerism that invades our society at Christmas and the fact we always went home to the family's home for the holidays.

As I look at other's photos, what I do appreciate is that box of decorations I have that stays unopened, sitting now in my garage. In this friend's picture on Instagram, I see THAT tree, well almost, which I decorated in one style, then in another's photo, another year's tree I decorated in that other style, etc. I loved choosing and decorating Christmas trees. So, today I'm thinking, maybe if I survive after this hospital visit, I'll be lucky enough to become a grandma and will do that Christmas thing, minus that consumer crap, again. Christmas is beautiful, even if it's soooooo over done.

411 On My CyberCrush

So, I cancelled my marriage and my former husband decided to divorce me, and so, I am single again. I learned a lot from both my marriage and divorce.

I've decided, I'm never supposed to be single, even if I'm totally ok being single, I love having a lover and partner, I loved being together even if I didn't love being married. I don't think I ever need to get married again, yet I do love living with others. And, THAT, was a big thing for me to decide: do I want to just be single? My answer is no. Ok, so, my search for a lover and partner began again.

My friend Joanne told me I needed a crush on a celebrity or something first, to learn how to find a new person fascinating, exciting, even if they are just another, sigh, human. She knows me, my experience, friends, and my boredom with most people and their lives. Ok. I decided on a #CyberCrush versus Omar Sharif because my childhood crush was dead, and I don't watch much tv.

So, I picked Om Malik as my #CyberCrush, why? I don't know really, he was the first person that intrigued me. I found him on a random feed from WordPress, who had highlighted something he wrote, and poof, it was good enough writing, smart thoughts even if strange, and made me laugh.

I followed him there, and eventually on Twitter, Instagram and Tumblr, I think I even signed up for his email newsletter. I did not follow him on Facebook, cuz I didn't want to do something this silly there (even if on occasion I do check him out there because I'm bored). I love his photography and watching his growth in his new passion, and watching him do his life online. He's a smart man from what he does professionally, and he's like an internet god of sorts.

What's not to love? Oh, you can also find that online if you want. Perhaps the biggest downer of my CyberCrush is that he believes he'll never fall in love. Yes, he wrote that, and he wrote that he's ok with that. Lol, isn't that just like me to pick someone who doesn't even think they are here on earth to love like that?! I mean, I know there are monks and nuns and folks like that, is that who I selected? And then, I think, what a person to select to have a crush on, someone who would never even want to meet me because, what if he was wrong? What if love just took him over and the conclusions he wrote at one time became inaccurate? I wonder how my CyberCrush would handle that. Hmmmm

Truth

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Life Stories Music

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Slippin In

http://wp.me/p31wtL-X5

silence has its own sound, and it's different to everyone, after all, what exactly is the relevance of the whirring hum of the refrigerator until it stops to create a new level of Silence to hear?

listen to the changing sounds of Silence in a world full of sound, then imagine the sound of the silence in space where the only sounds are self-sourced, originating only because a human chooses to live where life has no sound.

vacant life lives in the chaos of sounds overwhelming life's song, and silence is often the only mode of peace.

Being Sick

Being sick sucks. I am not a good sick person. Three weeks and I'm done with this bronchitis or whatever that is making it impossible to breathe sometimes. And the swelling, never had that before unless I sprained my ankle. As I sit here drinking my detox tea instead of a cup of coffee, it really, really sucks.

And, all I want is really a night of uninterrupted sleep again.

New Relationship Still Working

In the story of my life, I can count the number of real relationships I've had with the opposite sex on one hand, and my thumb belongs to my dad.

Ok, maybe a few of my past relationships were more real than I give them credit for, yet "real relationships" are different than those one may have just because loneliness.

This new relationship, my first, really, since I cancelled my marriage with my former husband, reminds me of the kind one would have in high school. If I was a drama queen, it could be a while different experience for certain, and I wonder if I shouldn't just try to play that role for him. I just don't know if I could be a drama queen. Yet I think he would actually enjoy it. Hmmmmm