sunset at Venus Beach

Venice Beach ... not Venus Beach.  Venus was not there.

and i watched the sunset alone. I didn't have to, I chose to.  I had to leave that same party I would have stayed at before when I was in school.

yet this is real world tym, right now.  so, I went to the drum circle instead. I didn't find it, and found a moment alone instead, watching the amazing sunset with random strangers on the beach. used the tyming forks to still the energy even more. golden sun, silver moon, simmering light cast for everyone. #world

some train wrecks are only there to show you how shadows in our reality are best brought to light to save the innocent ones.  #LiveAndLearn is what Mavis always told me.  I just wish that someone really smart, who has a voice bigger than mine, would get the really smart people to get it together and figure a way out to contain that nuclear disaster in Japan.  we've got better things to do than to worry that the smartest people don't get bullied into playing the shy guy before they even open their mouth to discover they really were a super hero all the time.

and then ...

you realize that no, that is not how your cosmic consort would be.
knowing what you do not want in a relationship is probably easier than ever know what you do want.
because the truth is, we have NO idea what we want except in relation to what we don't want.  just because we don't want a "man who is out of touch", we also want a man who we can be independent and detached from without ever feeling that way.  The inextricable need to have that person just "there" when you desire to connect (in whatever form that may take in any given moment in time), is the one that drags us down that co-dependent hole of self-destructive habits that breed zombies at an alarming rate.

connection is great.  Connection will drown you in your own selfish distraction of self-sacrifice to the other just so they will feel loved.  Sick really, if you think about it.  Who wants to feel loved?  I want to know I'm loved by having the timing of meaningful connection serendipitous with the desire rather than need, that when there's a purity that is based in positive vibrations.

Ok, so that's not a story, but its what I'm thinking may work given what I know I do not want.  =)

making public comment

in a little back room of some government building that is now irrelevant because it is irrelevant they've got nuregs now that take human life and calculate its worth to be less than you guessed it less than b4 . . . . nuRegs redesigned with the NWO, u know, humanized to the point of survival one love is a n o t h e r way of saying it, isn't it? lol -- i had several favorite speakers at today's NRC's #publiccomment on #wasteconfidence: first ... mad props to #jeremyofMitsubishi OKUPI! and then there was my favorite kind of public comment -- the genius! He was probably like the guy in red converse high tops that attends every city council meeting, but perhaps with a different name and maybe this one calling into the NRC is taller, but they echo the same chorus. He voiced something I know, yet had not given it a real thoughtful thought: a meteorite landing in a nuclear cooling pool. I am glad that I wasn't the one who had to have that dream to even give voice to that potential reality we face every moment. WOW! What a chemical reaction THAT would be!

house work reality

I am seriously impatient with reality that borrows time from a frozen maple tree.  And, since bi-dimensional realities have yet to be seriously considered mainstream, I suppose I shall sit here and write my story today.  Which is really quite boring, being one of the most common nature:  Housework.

"Housework is evil and must be stopped."  (fridge magnet)

So, in writing my own story, I'd write that part of this day out of the story.  And, instead . . . .

Still, no message.  All the usually tricks had not worked.  No message.

"He's either really going through it, or he's just mean like that."  That "or ...." was insecurity or was it.  The truth, on so many levels, we are still strangers.  But, if I learned anything in jail was, 'remember the last thing communicated and just remember that and do not create something only in your own head until you have another experience.  Realize and know the patterns.'  That last part always can be tricky to accept.

I have decided to accept the ones that do not make me impatient.  In other words, second time around, if things make you trip, they are friends.  If they take care for the things that make you trip, take it one day at a time.

After all, I am an absolute bitch.  Ask anyone who knows me really well.  I don't try to be, I just am -- one of those natural things that happens when I'm impatient+frustrated+angry=bitch.  These are my known-to-work solutions.

If I am being a bitch and I am right, an immediate acknowledgment of that and any required action or remedy is immediately taken, if I'm not right or being unreasonable or you don't understand a word I said, ask me if I'm hungry.  If yes is my answer, remind me I just told you I was hungry and that I said THAT is more important than talking right now.  If that doesn't make me laugh, "make love not war" (mlnw) is the only solution that comes to mind and be persistent and take no for an answer because my anger comes from something you nor I could be responsible for, so while we do our work let's make love as often as possible.

Beneath it all, truly, we are all happy living the life we are living.  If we were not, we would do something to change it, and that is "far more difficult than the 1st step in any revolution"  For the inspiration for this blog, for these words, for these feelings, for these acknowledgements, I owe much gratitude to all my intimates in all dimensions and those I do not even know yet.

So, sigh, housework, with my daughter, teaching her things my mom taught me.  Her spoon might be silver, but she's going to know how to polish it like a Dutch girl.